The Fear of Commitment
April 30, 2013 Comments Off on The Fear of Commitment
Only through decisions do you become more and more conscious, only through decisions do you become more and more crystallized, only through decisions do you become sharp. Otherwise one becomes dull.
People go on from one guru to another, from one master to another, from one temple to another — not because they are great seekers but because they are incapable of decision. So they go from one to another. This is their way to avoid commitment.
The same happens in other human relationships: a man goes from one woman to another, goes on changing. People think he is a great lover; he is not a lover at all. He is avoiding, he is trying to avoid any deep involvement because with deep involvement problems have to be faced, and much pain has to be gone through. So one simply plays safe; one makes it a point never to go too deeply into somebody. If you go too deep you may not be able to come back easily. And if you go deeply into somebody, somebody else will go deeply into you also; it is always proportionate. If I go very deep in you the only way is to allow you also to go that deep in me. It is a give and take, it is a sharing. Then one may get entangled too much, and it will be difficult to escape and the pain may be much. So people learn how to play safe: just let surfaces meet — hit-and-run love affairs. Before you are caught, run.
This is what is happening in the modern world. People have become so juvenile, so childish; they are losing all maturity.
Maturity comes only when you are ready to face the pain of your being; maturity comes only when you are ready to take the challenge. And there is no greater challenge than love.
To live happily with another person is the greatest challenge in the world. It is very easy to live peacefully alone, it is very difficult to live peacefully with somebody else, because two worlds collide, two worlds meet…totally different worlds. How are they attracted to each other? Because they are totally different, almost opposite, polar opposites.
It is very difficult to be peaceful in a relationship, but that is the challenge. If you escape from that, you escape from maturity. If you go into it with all the pain, and still continue going into it, then by and by the pain becomes a blessing, the curse becomes a blessing.
By and by, through the conflict, the friction, crystallization arises. Through the struggle you become more alert, more aware.
The other becomes like a mirror to you. You can see your ugliness in the other. The other provokes your unconscious, brings it to the surface.
You will have to know all hidden parts of your being and the easiest way is to be mirrored, reflected, in a relationship.
Easier, I call it, because there is no other way — but it is hard. It is hard, arduous, because you will have to change through it.
And when you come to a Master an even greater challenge exists before you: you have to decide, and the decision is for the unknown, and the decision has to be total and absolute, irreversible. It is not a child’s game; it is a point of no return. So much conflict arises. But don’t go on continuously changing, because this is the way to avoid yourself. And you will remain soft, you will remain babyish. Maturity will not happen to you…
Only the unknown should have a call for you because that you have not yet lived; you have not moved in that territory. Move! Something new may happen there.
Always decide for the unknown, whatsoever the risk, and you will grow continuously.
But go on deciding for the known and you move in a circle with the past again and again. You go on repeating it; you have become a gramophone record.
And decide. The sooner you can do so, the better. Postponement is simply stupid. Tomorrow you will also have to decide, so why not today? And do you think that tomorrow you will be wiser than today? Do you think that tomorrow you will be livelier than today? Do you think that tomorrow you will be younger than today, fresher than today?
Tomorrow you will be older, your courage will be less; tomorrow you will be more experienced, your cunningness will be more; tomorrow death will come closer; you will start wavering and being more afraid. Never postpone for the tomorrow. And who knows? Tomorrow may come or may not come. If you have to decide you have to decide right now.
Osho, Dang Dang Doko Dang, Talk #8
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